At times, it seems as if it will take forever to heal from the pain of a relationship's death. In my case, it was I who inflicted pain (on my then spouse) and yet I too felt severe hurt from being in a relationship I felt out of sync with.
I was previously married for 18 years before I decided that it was time for me to do something about my perpetual unhappines, my inability to break free and live according to my own convictions. Four years later, I was remarried to Kelly (HurRAY!!)- and though this statement may sound suspect, it bears saying - whom I feel I should have been married to long ago.
At the end of the day, several things are very clear: Life is what it is and Life will always go on. Kelly says that statement often and for us, it has it's place. But life also is and I think more importantly, what you SAY it is. We hurt because we live, because we take chances and because we want things that can be elusive in nature.
Everyone wants love, happiness and the inherent things that go along with those (protection, trust, vision) and the truth is that in the moment that we reside in love with a person, we do have those things, at least temporarily. The issue for alot of us is the fading away of love, trust, happiness with a person.
A pastor Kelly and I heard once talked about being "In your season not in your time". My interpretation of this is though love sometimes is in the air, often we find ourselves "blooming" before we should or getting together with people even though they may not be whom we should be sharing the seasons with. It's easy to critisize anyone who once was in a relationship and now is not, including myself. I think there's a measure of truth to that pastor's meaning but I also think that the best we can do in life is to find our own way.
Kelly also says at times that if I had known her in her teens and twenties and early thirties, the possiblity is great that we would not have gotten together - she cites the type of person she was then compared to who she is now. That may be true. It may not have been our time. One thing for sure, now is and I believe that we will forever be.
Reflecting upon my first marriage and the 18 years my previous wife and I spent together (the last 3 were spent seperating and getting a divorce), that relationship helped shape me into the person I am today. The same can be said for my wife and her previous marriage and relationships during that same time frame. Without each of our experiences, our paths may not have directed us to one another.
The pain of divorce or break ups or even death is real and needs time for healing. Each person has their own pace. We all have to find our way but we also need to know that the breakup or death can mean that we gained great insight into who we are today and maybe that's what's important for us.
