I have a great life.

For many of my years on this planet, I lived life according to others rules.  I ate, drank, read, listened and watched what I felt others thought I should.  It wasn't hard or arduous in any sense because for the most part, I am a conformist.  I have spent a number of years in the military so I actually like rules and I enjoy enforcing them, even on myself.  I am of the belief that rules can actually help a person not only exist but survive.  In the military, we have rules or CODES of conduct that outline what we can and cannot do.  The violation of these codes are subject to military punitive or disciplinary action (for you civilians that means either money or time are subject to be taken away from you).

It's similar in civilian life but the grey area comes in play when dealing with issues of the heart and mind.  I was in a marriage for most of my adult life and what kept me in it were the "rules" of society.  I was too afraid to break the rules because of a number of issues:  my parents and siblings had all been married and divorced, their lives not necessarily improved from doing so.  I was the "last of the Mohecans" so to speak and as such, I did not want to be like them or fall prey to divorce.  I actually remember thinking this last thought and how proud I was not to be like them.  I guess in the end you can't fight fate or tradition or maybe it's destiny.  In any case, I finally decided that for me, to be happy in my life was more important than this particular code so I will soon be divorced like my parents and siblings. 

Sometimes I have wondered if this is a bad thing, to be divorced.  I struggled with the notion of doing it for such a long time.  But I also found out that I was not alone.  Others out here in this vast place we call society have also struggled with staying within a marriage for many reasons but also for my reason:  the code.

At the end of the day (as one of my friends likes to say)  a person must do what they feel is best for them and if he/she is conscientious in this way, what also is in the best interests of those who are immediately and directly affected by their decisions.  After you make the decision, as hard as it may be, you need to move forward.  That's what I did and I could not be happier or more mentally fit.  But, that's me.